I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
