You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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