Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
