He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
