Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
