Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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