College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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