this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
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The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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