talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
