Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
