In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
