Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
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Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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