I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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