i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
