you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
