Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize