is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
