Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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