made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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