Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
