My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
