thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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