using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
