wrigley field is MILF paradise
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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