I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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