I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
