part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
