I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
