Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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