I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
