just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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