Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
