If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
