Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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