I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
