Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
