Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
