this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
