maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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