she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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