Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
