i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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