He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
