I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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