They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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