I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize