If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
