Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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