They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
