watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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