so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
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I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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