whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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