remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
