I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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