I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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