I need help removing her.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
