im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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